This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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