put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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