I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize