Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
