Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
