So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
