I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
