Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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