shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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