You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
