i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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