VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
