I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
