I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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