I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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