I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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