All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
