I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got inside last night via doggy door
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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