I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
