i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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