I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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