Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
