I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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