Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Bring me that man meat
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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