I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
