Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
