Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
