Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
