we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
