end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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