We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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