FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
