Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
