she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
