I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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