Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You are a genius and a whore.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
