I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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