You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
