what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
