UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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