why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
where does the pee come out of this thing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
