I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize