I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this boner is exhausting
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
