Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
