I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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