every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
