Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
