I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
