It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
