You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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