Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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