i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
