Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
