No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
