3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
