You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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