I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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