I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
