forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
