how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
