I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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