so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
