I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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