I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
