we're blogging at a bar
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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