I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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