pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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