The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
