In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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