No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
