it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
