Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
