i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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