My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize