like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
