I'm lost and stupid without you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
