I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
